Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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