We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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