you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
