Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
from now on my penis is your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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