Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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