If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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