so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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