I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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