I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
