You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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