But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
