I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
