New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize