I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
