I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
