I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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