Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
