So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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