Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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