Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
