you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Damn victory sex feels great
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
