And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
