yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
