I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
