i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
