Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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