dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
