and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
