woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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