please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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