I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
