theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
