I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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