he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
