I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
