WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
