no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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