you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
