We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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