i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
