WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
