sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
