So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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