You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
