So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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