He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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