if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
