Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize