I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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