the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
