Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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