dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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