I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
