He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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