my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
