So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
