It's Friday. Sex?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
