you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
