I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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