I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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